A Piece of Calm

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Fellow Friends & Writers:

Just a quick note to let you know that Finishing Line Press is publishing my chapbook, “A Piece of Calm.”  Pre-sales for poetry determine press run; you can quickly reserve copies by clicking the link below by this Friday.  The book will be released in March.   I’m honored to feature an opening poem by poet Irene Blair Honeycutt, as well as a blurb by author Ron Rash.    


 Thanks so much for all of your support and well wishes.

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BROAD RIVER REVIEW: Ron Rash Award finalists

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Not So Famous Last Words

This screenshot shows Sydney Greenstreet and H...

This screenshot shows Sydney Greenstreet and Humphrey Bogart in a discussion about whether Sam (Dooley Wilson) will come to work for Greenstreet. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently you heard tell amongst friends,  the last words they heard from their dear old, departed loved ones, Bless Their Collective Lil Hearts.  You all chuckled to keep from boo-hooing (as Mama used to say).

1.  How Did You Know?

2. Will. You. Please. Just. Leave. Me. Alone?

3.  I Think Not.  (After a hospital Doc told 92-year old Grandma that she had to have a procedure done).

And, your all-time favorite from a southern friend who had many a tussle–mainly concerning her appearance– with her Old-School Southern M.O.M.:

4.  HoneyDid You Ever Decide What To Do About That Hair?

…If you know of others, we’d love to know!  More below:

The deathbed can lead people to speak with great honesty and, in many cases, humor. This is a list of 20 last words by famous people.

Isabella Deathbed 400W

1. Pardon me, sir. I did not do it on purpose.

Said by: Queen Marie Antoinette after she accidentally stepped on the foot of her executioner as she went to the guillotine.

2. I can’t sleep

Said by: J. M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan

3. I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.

Said by: Humphrey Bogart

4. I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.

Said by: Dominique Bouhours, famous French grammarian

5. I live!

Said by: Roman Emperor, as he was being murdered by his own soldiers.

Nap Deathbed

6. Dammit…Don’t you dare ask God to help me.

Said by: Joan Crawford to her housekeeper who began to pray aloud.

7. I am perplexed. Satan Get Out

Said by: Aleister Crowley – famous occultist

8. Now why did I do that?

Said by: General William Erskine, after he jumped from a window in Lisbon, Portugal in 1813.

9. Hey, fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French Fries’!

Said by: James French, a convicted murderer, was sentenced to the electric chair. He shouted these words to members of the press who were to witness his execution.



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pale blue mercy

pale blue mercy

pale blue mercy

Dear Writers:

Some quick news:

Main Street Rag Publishing Company is publishing my book pale blue mercy as part of its Author’s Choice Chapbook Series. The book will be released February 5th.  If you’re interested in ordering, please leave a comment.  The chapbooks are $7.00 each.

Thanks for all of your support; let me know how you’re doing when you have a chance.  Happy New Year!

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Can the World Not Behave Itself for Five Minutes? Texts You Don’t Want to Get While On Vacation

Paris Sunset from the Louvre window

Paris Sunset from the Louvre window (Photo credit: Dimitry B)

Why is it when you try to embrace the empty nest, the helicopters appear instead?  Why is it, indeed, any time you try and take a vacash–the world erupts? You and your husband were just in Paris in order to hunker down in musees, window shop, eat steak frites and sip Meursault.  Tres relaxing and romantique, oui?

Oui, until…well, here are the various vacation texts and messages you have had rude awakenings to,  received from family and offspring, over the past years:

News Channel 8 helicopter fly by.

News Channel 8 helicopter fly by. (Photo credit: jokerswild1963)

2004. Mom, I knew you’d hear about it in the news (when they mention the news it’s curtains) but our neighborhood flooded and we can’t get out.  A helicopter took a picture of our babysitter paddling a canoe.

2006. Mom, I know you’ve probably already heard about it on the news (even worse, because you haven’t).  A Middle-Eastern student drove a Jeep into the quad and tried to run over people.

2011. Mom, I know you’d hear about it in the news.  (!#$?!)    We actually had an earthquake here–first one since 1897–but I’m fine.

 2012. Sis–hope your kids are okay.  I heard about the shooting–how horrible.

2012. Mom, please don’t worry, but there’s a hurricane headed here, but I’m fine.

And the most heinous ever, you can’t even put into print.  March 5, 2008.  In memory of EMC.

You swore off watching CNN while on vacash.  Now you hardly daren’t.


Can you trust the world to take care of itself, in your absence?

Can’t the world behave itself for four days?  Much less,  five minutes?

Your heart goes out to the victims of Sandy.

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first world beach problems

While enjoying the beach during your summer family vacay, your son

chuckle, then pause

finally took off his Mom’s voice-cancelling headphones.  After awhile he shook his head, gave off a grin and proclaimed:

“First world beach problems.”

What?” you reply, as usual.

“Just listen,” he said, nodding at the others hunkered down on towels and beach chairs round about us.  Soon, a slow steady stream came your way:

“The wi-fi at our house is way too slow.”

“Is my Coppertone rubbed in all the way?”

“After I went to get my spray tan I got stuck at the salon because it was raining.”

“She told me that I couldn’t get Netflix here.”

“I forgot to back up my iCloud before I left.”

“Our roof cargo box fell off of our Escalade when I pulled into the garage of our beach cottage.”

“This morning when I turned on my Xbox 360 and got nothing but the ring of fire.”

“Please don’t eat that Haagen Dazs straight out of the carton.”

“Is there a Verizon around here?  I need a new iPhone.”

“On the way down we stopped at Chick fil-A and they were out of number one combos.”

“Yesterday I didn’t have time to take a nap.”

“I have not been to Paris in two years.”

“I only read books on my iPad.”

“Last night, thank heavens I got surf n’ turf and not that blackened shrimp.”

Which you guess beats, “Are we having chicken for dinner again tonight?” Meanwhile, pass that Haagen Dasz on along and if anyone knows what the heck ring of fire is, please let me know.

Français : Zone Wi-Fi dans le parc de Bercy, Paris

Français : Zone Wi-Fi dans le parc de Bercy, Paris

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The Difference Between (Southern) Men and Women

Venus and Mars

Redesigned logo used from 2011-present.
Image via Wikipedia

1. Women like hanging out in Starbucks and drinking chai tea.  Believe it or not–men will walk straight past a Starbucks to get to a Five Guys or Firehouse sub.

2. Women like Sephora.  Men will walk right by Sephora to enter a Pro Bass Shop.

3. Women like to get their nails done.  Men like to hunt deer.

4. Women prefer wine.  Men drink beer and whiskey.

5. Women like jewelry.  Men don’t.

6.  Women like to shop.  Men like to stand outside of stores, or park themselves in big comfy chairs in the shops.

7.  Women like to go to the hairdresser and read a fresh People.  Men go to the barber shop and thumb through a crumpled old copy of Maxim with pages missing.

8.  Women like the sound and smell of Chanel.  Men like the sound and smell of Indy racecar engines.

9.  Women like go to a movie and then want to talk about it afterwards.  Men may go to a movie and then walk out of the theater and drive straight home.

10. Women collect fabric swatches; men like to hunker down on upholstered fabric.

11.  Women like to moisturize.  Men don’t.

12.  Women like to watch events–such as royal weddings–in a light and airy room, occasionally glancing out the window to catch any signs of spring.  Then talk about who looked good and who didn’t.  Men like to watch Sports Center in a basement or man cave, with curtains drawn and shutters closed.  Then later talk about which player looked good and who didn’t.

13.  Women like Oxygen, TLC and Food Network.  Men like Pawn Stars, Storage Wars, Ice Road Truckers, and the Three Stooges.

14.  Women like a true chicken salad and sweet tea for lunch.  Men. so. don’t.  (see sub and burger chains above).

15.  Women like small boutiques; men like big box chain stores.

16.  Women like to share Barefoot, Giada and Paula recipes; men like to swap hunting, fishing and golfing stories.

17. Women like to dine al fresco.  Men like to dine al Longhorn.

18.  Women like cafes.  Men like cigar shops.

19.  Southern men seem to love guys named Bubba, Buddy, Junior, Sonny, and any double name involving ‘Bob,’ and think they are an. absolute. hoot.  Women think they are only half a hoot, if indeed, a hoot at all.  Maybe they ‘got the party started’ in high school, but that’s where it about ended.

20. Women love etsy, pinterest and houzz; men. just. flat. out. don’t.

side-note:  (Men and women both like Apple, the Food Court and Victoria’s Secret).

Maxim (magazine)

Image via Wikipedia

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