Text to College Freshman:
We miss you so much! And, btw, how do you turn on the TV?
Not that you haven’t been practising. You have been practising turning on the TV for several years, knowing this was coming. Whenever your son was home, he would good-naturedly comply. He even wrote some commands down on a post-it, in order to to prevent such struggles. The trouble is, you still don’t know what Component 1 and 2 are, much less 3 and 4. And how they seemingly relate to an XBox that’s not even here anymore. He took it to college?!–another post.
And which remote control do we use? Back in our day, we didn’t have a remote. We had to physically get up and turn the channels. Speaking of channels, we only had three! Now there are way too many remote choices: black, narrow, square–there is quite a collection. Process of elimination perhaps? Wait, you think you spot a Wii remote control lurking in there, so dig that out. And at least two others look suspicious, as if they could date back to the 1990’s–the horror. But who’s to know?
Let’s just say that you are holding the correct one. Then which command do you use? These things remind you of ancient word processors with all of their various oblique, imperious commands:
There’s TV/Video–that you can get.
Recall? Wish you had more of that.
100+10? Why is that there? This is a remote, not a calculator.
CHRTN and ENT–you just went to the ENT, and CHRTN looks like a vanity license plate.
Then the middle section of the remote control resembles some ancient Chinese board game, with ENTER in the center–how do you get to that? This is surrounded by mysterious hieorglyphics FAV and EXIT and SLEEP, under TOP MENU. Sounds like a plan. You will EXIT, and your FAV TOP MENU is SLEEP.
The next remote control offers thus: (They are all in a different language).
AUX VCR TV CBL. Then MENU and GUIDE underneath. the INFO button offers no such thing. There’s a DAY button, and then a PAGE–are we reading now? Then an EXIT. Whew–sounds good.
Then something below about HELP, PPV–sounds like someone has a virus. Then at the bottom: LAST FAV BYPASS. How about bypass. You give up.
Your DVR control tries to be a little more User-friendly to its customers: there is a ‘happy face’ at the top, and even color-coded buttons, green for yes I like that show, and red, for no way. This one you can handle, although it has some word processing type arrows on it that don’t make sense.
Still feeling remote, you realize that, so far, you have not controlled anything today.
If someone manufactured one control for Baby Boomers, they would:
a. make a fortune
b. be invited to the White House and
c. secure a spot in the TV Remote Control Hall of Fame
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