Back when you first started texting, you limped along on your sleek new state-of-the- art Razor cellphone. The crazy words it would implant and imbed in your messages were random and strange, any sentence structure flew out the window: cu@y1hows pArtygrettime. Not much high-powered AutoCorrect going on there. The seventh grade teacher who taught you to diagram sentences is rolling in their grave. But it’s not your fault; you were still trying to get the hang of keeping in touch with your newly minted college student, you advanced your way up to,”Bio lab today how is?” with Yoda-esque verbs hanging at the end of every text. You’ve always been grammatically challenged , but you finally got the hang (no pun intended) and stopped dangling verbs by overriding AutoCorrect.
*Note to Self and Note to Parents: TEXTING is the preferred form of communication for college students, especially guys. So, bear with yourself.
Then your Razor slid to the floor in a diner and disappeared. You searched high and low for another. Fresh out of luck, and thank goodness. Usher in the era of the iphone. You happy face/heart emoticon your iphone. It is the only toy you have. You feel like a child again. You hold it in your hand like the treasured doll you played with at the age of nine (it was a rubber troll doll, but still). You didn’t know they made toys for people your age. There’s always the car as toy concept of course, but you simply view vehicles as getting you from Point A to Point B. Now while sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for a CT scan, you can play the Cannon game and the world’s problems completely dissolve. You can sit in the pleather chair and move mountains–albeit tiny video ones.
So the games are cool, but again you find yourself even more text-challenged. Talk about AutoCorrect, more like AutoSassy; you’ve nearly lost friends over this. After your sweet friend Sumner texted her son’s latest cute saying,“What-evs,” you typed in “Awwww,” and pressed SEND. The message she received was:
Sewer? Come on. What’s going on with AutoSassy? How often do folks use that word in daily conversation? But you had done the unthinkable. You had texted without reading glasses. You could get into a great deal of trouble over this method. Wars have been lost using such tactics. Never text while driving. Pull over, fish out your readers from your bottomless handbag and put them on. Take the time to override the AutoSassy and make yourself clear. You will save many a friendship.
Quickly you text Sumner and blame everything on the uppity AutoSassy. She understands and lets you off the hook. Actually, you are proud of yourself and most of your friends who have learned how to text; you know many fellow Boomers who have never tried and never will. Most of them, safe to say, do NOT have children in college.
You are happy that your dear friend, Jane, just texted that she wanted to “read your new clog.” The same kind Jane who was accidentally on the receiving end of your terse Thai take-out order: Pad Thai, Masaman, sub stir-fry veggies for whi ric.” Jane handled your error with great aplomb. She knows you did not suddenly expect her to step and fetch your dinner.
You are proud of the Sandwich Gen: you all can keep up with current techy stuff, get our point across and stay in touch. You also just read that you can disable AutoSassy–yes. For those of you who are interested in irreverent vents about AutoCorrect innocent innuendo, there are plenty to google. Warning–read at your own risk of gasping and guffawing.