Stalker Mom

Yes, you admit to being a Stalker Mom.  Your offspring may want to weigh in on this one.  They need to produce a film with this title because it would scare the bejebes and Jujy fruits out of tweens, teens and beyond.

It takes great skill to stalk from a great distance via a cellular device.  And it’s not true stalking…is it submarining?–a term you coined for those parents who have lurked in the background (online or onphone) checking up on offspring.  (More on that later).

a) Your son called a few nights ago and said he was ill.  The following day your husband tried to contact him to see if he’s feeling better. He left him a voicemail saying, “Hey–how are you feeling?  Give me a shout this evening.”  He’s usually good about calling back.

b) A couple of days later–still not a word.  Of course, you are picturing him lying on the floor of the Health Clinic, if he was even able to make it that far.  Or he might be collapsed on the grassy quad in a heap, calling out weakly for blue powerade.  

Don’t they have those live campus-cams online now?

You sent him a quick lil text: “How u feeling.  Call me,” and then you advanced to “Call me when u wake up.”  (You don’t comma or dash while texting).  He should be awake for class, if he felt well enough to stumble off into the day.  He is great about texting, but now there’s nary a syllable.

c) So then you called him and he doesn’t pick up.   You actually call him again and he still doesn’t pick up.  You are embarrassed to admit, that you call him ten more times (believe it or not–and yes, a healthy dose of sleep-deprived, anxiety-fueled hormones had set in) and he still does not pick up.  You have not acted like this since 10th grade.  He’s had ample time to shower, change and be on his way to class.  Then you text him and say ‘call me, now.’  Then you wait five minutes.  ‘CALL ME ASAP.’ Then you wait 5 more minutes.  Then you call him again.  (Of course, back in your day you spoke with your parents once a month on the wall-phone in your dorm room).

He picks up, chuckling.  “Mom–what are you doing?”

“Why didn’t you pick up or text us? I wanted to make sure you felt better!”

“Well, I still feel sick but I’m going to bowling anyway.”

“Well, I have to be able to get in touch with you.  I have to.  It’s important.  What if it was an emergency!?”

“But it wasn’t.”

“What if it is.  I HAVE to be able to reach you.  And if I can’t reach you, I’m going to try and call your roommate.”

Whoa–he was speechless.  He’d be mortified if you ever called his roommate.

You both hang up to let him go to the alley.  (Bowling instructor for college PE–Note to Self:  you WANT that job.  Yet aren’t qualified).

Later you text him one last time and say:  “Ginger ale bananas good for nausea.”

You hope he doesn’t eat that awful bowling alley food.  And if that’s the worst thing you have to worry about today, you are doing.  just.  fine.

Then, you shelve the worry, and move on.  Sometimes, you just need to hear their voice, whether large, small, sick or well.  That’s not stalker parent, that’s simply Uber-Concerned Parent.

Actually–fried onion rings, hot dog and a coke are soundin’ awful good about now.



A freelance writer who revels in the 1970's...and today. Thoughts on being a baby baby boomer and empty nester. Welcome to the Saturday evening porch.
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21 Responses to Stalker Mom

  1. Jane Whitfield says:

    very familiar story with my 21 year old, haven’t heard from him at all since he left for second semester except to come home for a doctors appointment, I finally wrangled two cell phone numbers from him of his housemates, for EMERGENCY ONLY !!!

  2. Beth says:

    Ha, Ha! I have a list of phone numbers of my son’s friends with the title: “What if Lee disappears?” He is 23 yrs old and goes climbing and hiking often by himself. I have had the same experience with him as far as leaving the crazy messages.

  3. Tori Nelson says:

    Haha! Crying for blue Powerade. I can only imagine how crazy I’ll be when Baby leaves the house. I give you serious credit for sneaking a camera in his care packages as I am 17 years away from Baby’s departure for college and already looking into which model of camera is least noticeable 🙂

  4. What is this thing about privacy our kids suddenly have now? My kids say I’m “creeping on” somebody if I look at their photos on Facebook!

    I would definitely have called your boy’s roommate if he were my son! We pay for three cellphones for our daughters…they know better than to ignore us when we call or text them!


  5. In ‘MomSpeak’ it’s not stalking, it’s called CONCERN. Wow, all of us moms can relate to this one. What I find hysterically funny is now after all of them are out of college and moved away living on their own, they get irate when Mom & Dad don’t answer the home phone, cell or text. “Mother, WHERE are YOU? And WHY aren’t you answering your PHONE??” Makes me laugh. Turn around is fair play, I say!

  6. thumbles says:

    I really like your blog. I mentioned it in my last post. Check it out, or don’t. -cyn

  7. Can I be a stalker mom in training? It sounds just like me! But my kids are only 4 and 2, so I know where they are. I love this post. Really gets to the heart of what moms feel when they can’t see or get in touch with their kids. And I’m so happy to hear it doesn’t go away when your kids leave the house! Keep at it, fellow stalker. Your son is lucky to have you.

  8. comingeast says:

    I’m waiting for my kids to be stalker kids. The older we get, the more they worry about us and they are the ones that call to check on us sometimes. It’s a nice feeling. By the way, I just got off the phone with my 32-year-old son who said he is sick and went to the doctor today. Needless to say, I told him he better call me tomorrow and tell me if he’s feeling better. It never ends!

  9. The “call me when you get there” and the “sure dad” and he never does. Not once in 10 years of back and forth flights from Greensboro to here in Miami. But if he needs a quick $100……

  10. Isn’t that the truth, Carl? Or they may call out of the blue to ask how to cook hot dogs…I have seriously, serially phone-stalked several times when they didn’t call when they got there! Thanks for stopping by!

  11. Patti says:

    My almost 27-year-old will respond to my texts – but he won’t be my friend on facebook.

  12. whimsiexoxo says:

    Love it… very funny/true.

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