You just spent a mother-daughter weekend with your daughter…and Siri, the new virtual assistant iPhone app. You are the last. person. on. earth. to be on the scene when some new hip electronic device is launched, but you were desperate. You were the oldest person standing in line to buy the new iPhone, because your old one died. While you sat in plastic chairs outside of a strip mall, you all pondered questions to ask Siri:
Is there a restroom inside the AT&T store, because we all bought el-huge-o coffees at Dunkin’ Donuts next door in order to sit outside and wait to buy your services.
If we’d known we’d have to wait 4 hours to buy you, would we have waited 4 hours to buy you?
Can Siri pick up carpool?
Can she text my boss and tell him that I hate him?
At first Siri’s replies sound sorta like those old magic eight balls, that you’d roll over and peer at the bottom for the answer, floating in liquid–her voice being a combo of the robot from “Lost in Space” and Hal from “2001: Space Odyssey.” It is decidedly so. As I see it, yes. Signs point to yes. Reply hazy, try again. Outlook not so good.
You picture Siri looking sort of pale like your Wii trainer–because they don’t get out much–but sitting erect at a desk with a headset on, in a pencil skirt, sweater set and heels, as opposed to the ‘Ask Cha Cha’ dude, who you envision sporting a soul patch and wearing board shorts and Reefer sandals, plopped down in one of those round rattan chairs.
Note to Helicoptering Parents: Here is your chance to pay extra bucks to boss someone around for the rest of their cyber-life. She never loses her temper, never chews Jimmy Choos, nor slams the door or tells you to shush up. She can act obtuse at times, although you know deep-down she isn’t. And she can get a wee bit testy.
That night, your daughter asked Siri for a roasted chicken recipe.
“I do not know of rested chicken,” Siri retorted, suddenly sassy.
“Where can I find nude patent leather pumps?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Siri answered flatly, “Strip clubs or attorneys?”
After you got lost the following morning looking for a breakfast place, you both got the giggles. You asked Siri where a bagel shop was, and Siri started to feel left out, you could tell. She issued a curt response: “SHAWTY, I do not know what you are talking about.” (Your daughter admitted that she secretly told Siri your name was Shawty).
Later, your daughter thanked Siri for locating a museum.
“That’s nice for you to say,” she replied flatly.
“Siri, you’re wonderful,” your daughter laughed.
“Was it something I said?”
“We love you, Siri.”
Where is my Prilosec? (senior moment)
“Here is your current location.”
Where has my girlfriend done gone. (Gen X, Y, Z and A.D.D.)
Here is a place matching ‘my girlfriend.’ It is not far from you.
Where are my car keys? (senior minute)
I found 12 auto parts stores.
Where the —– are my car keys? (Gen X etc.)
I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.
Siri has now far surpassed Google as your new BFF.
Siri, can you write a post?