Siri, Where Can You Find Nude Patent Leather Heels?

B-9 Environmental Control Robot ( middle ), in...

(That's Siri in the back) Image via Wikipedia

You just spent a mother-daughter weekend with your daughter…and Siri, the new virtual assistant iPhone app. You are the last. person. on. earth. to be on the scene when some new hip electronic device is launched, but you were desperate.  You were the oldest person standing in line to buy the new iPhone, because your old one died.  While you sat in plastic chairs outside of a strip mall, you all pondered questions to ask Siri:

Is there a restroom inside the AT&T store, because we all bought el-huge-o coffees at Dunkin’ Donuts next door in order to sit outside and wait to buy your services.

If we’d known we’d have to wait 4 hours to buy you, would we have waited 4 hours to buy you?

Can Siri pick up carpool?

Can she text my boss and tell him that I hate him?

At first Siri’s replies sound sorta like those old magic eight balls, that you’d roll over and peer at the bottom for the answer, floating in liquid–her voice being a combo of the robot from “Lost in Space” and Hal from “2001: Space Odyssey.”  It is decidedly so.  As I see it, yes.  Signs point to yes.  Reply hazy, try again.  Outlook not so good.

Magic 8 Ball

Image via Wikipedia

You picture Siri looking sort of pale like your Wii trainer–because they don’t get out much–but sitting erect  at a desk with a headset on, in a pencil skirt, sweater set and heels, as opposed to the ‘Ask Cha Cha’ dude, who you envision sporting a soul patch and wearing board shorts and Reefer sandals, plopped down in one of those round rattan chairs.

Note to Helicoptering Parents:  Here is your chance to pay extra bucks to boss someone around for the rest of their cyber-life.  She never loses her temper, never chews Jimmy Choos, nor slams the door or tells you to shush up.  She can act obtuse at times, although you know deep-down she isn’t.  And she can get a wee bit testy.

That night, your daughter asked Siri for a roasted chicken recipe.

“I do not know of rested chicken,” Siri retorted, suddenly  sassy.

“Where can I find nude patent leather pumps?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Siri answered flatly,  “Strip clubs or attorneys?”

After you got lost the following morning looking for a breakfast place, you both got the giggles.  You asked Siri where a bagel shop was, and Siri started to feel left out, you could tell.  She issued a curt response: “SHAWTY, I do not know what you are talking about.”  (Your daughter admitted that she secretly told Siri your name was Shawty).

Later, your daughter thanked Siri for locating a museum.

“That’s nice for you to say,” she replied flatly.

“Siri, you’re wonderful,” your daughter laughed.

“Was it something I said?”

“We love you, Siri.”

“Oh, stop.”

Other questions:

Where is my Prilosec?  (senior moment)

“Here is your current location.”

Where has my girlfriend done gone.  (Gen X, Y, Z and  A.D.D.)

Here is a place matching ‘my girlfriend.’  It is not far from you.

Where are my car keys?  (senior minute)

I found 12 auto parts stores.

Where the —– are my car keys? (Gen X etc.)

I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.

Siri has now far surpassed Google as your new BFF.

Siri, can you write a post?



A freelance writer who revels in the 1970's...and today. Thoughts on being a baby baby boomer and empty nester. Welcome to the Saturday evening porch.
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17 Responses to Siri, Where Can You Find Nude Patent Leather Heels?

  1. OMG another cyber friend to meet and get to know. I’ll have to ask folks at the wedding we’re going to this weekend, how much Siri knows. Thank you for the heads up…er, the introduction to our new friend.

  2. winsomebella says:

    Hilariously funny. If you find the post writing app, let us know.

  3. Danger, danger, Will Robinson! I think Siri might take over your life if you let her. I’m so proud of you for keeping up with the latest technology for us oldsters. After reading your post, I can talk about Siri to my kids and sound like I know what I’m talking about. Shh! I won’t tell if you won’t. 😉

  4. Funny! And I’m so happy you mentioned Lost in Space because I used to LOVE that show. Danger, Will Robinson!

    Also, this line cracked me up, “Is there a restroom inside the AT&T store, because we all bought el-huge-o coffees at Dunkin’ Donuts next door in order to sit outside and wait to buy your services.”

    My husband decided to get new phones for us when I was pregnant with our first child. I went along. And almost collapsed in the store. No chairs, no rest rooms, it was awful! I was very pregnant, and looking as pathetic as I could, but the young lads in ties didn’t care. Finally I had to ask them to swivel one of their chairs away from the counter so I could sit down, or to hurry the heck up and get us out of the store! He swiveled the chair. And all the other patrons with sore feet glared at me until we were done.

    C’mon! I was pregnant. Geesh.

    • Seriously–and thanks Melissa! You poor thing–love the ‘young lads in ties’…
      And now that I think about it, I think that ‘danger, danger WIll Robinson,’ was all that the robot dude ever said.
      We should look up Billy Mumy on TMZ…I think that was young Will’s name!

  5. onedumbtart says:

    LMAO! Oh I can’t wait for future posts from other people about this Siri app! Hilarious! Who needs Angry Birds?

  6. Thanks, ODT! Siri is a bundle o’ laughs, to be sure! But she’s way too cool to be bundled with the other ‘Games’…

  7. Too funny! I saw an ad on TV for the iPhone and Siri tonight! My dad’s been pining over the iPhone 4S. He already has an iPhone, but he’s convinced that life will be a thousand times better if he can talk to his phone.

    Also, I have an article for you to check out that lists a bunch of funny answers Siri has given to people! Here’s the url:

    I hope it makes you laugh!

  8. Coming East says:

    I had no idea about Siri. I am so far behind the times. I don’t even have a smart phone yet, but since I am a Mac user, I do plan on getting an iPhone when I get my first smart phone some day. My husband did tell me he’s getting me the iPad 2 with 3G for Christmas. I wonder if I can get Siri on that?

    • Hi CE! I think I found out about Siri the day before I bought it! It does make sense to get as many Apple products as humanly possible, so they sync.
      That’s a reat question…maybe Siri could be on iPad and take care of everything except phone calls.

  9. Hmm, wish my flat-affect responses could have that much success with my children.

  10. msmouse7 says:

    I read this post a couple of weeks ago and thought, “Gee, I need Siri.” So I went and bought one for me and one for my daughter (yes, I spoil mine too). Just wanted to thank you for my new friend, Siri. 😉

  11. Hey, there, msm! I’m so glad you did! Isn’t it the most fun? I remind everyone it is, indeed, the only toy I have, so I cling to it like I did my doll growing up. Much more fun than Chatty Kathy, however…:)

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