Got that ‘reindeer in the headlights’ look?

Wreath up, stockings down, set out old drippy candles that somewhat spread light around.  Tree sort of up, but listing wildly against one wall.  Boxes of lights and ornaments awaiteth, as well as rounds of signing, licking, addressing and stamping cards.

Rustle up to attic and finish bringing down the remainder of ye olde house decorations, and give them a dust and a fluff.

(Washing machine breaks; computer crashes; vacuum cleaner catches on fire; some large creature moves into a corner of your attic; AT & T takes the day off; your cable company takes the week off).

Maketh Ye Last Minute Purchases at Ye Olde Amazon.

Maketh Ye Last Minute Purchases at Ye Olde Best Buy.  Schlep big boxes from big box stores into house.

Lo and behold, the big box trucks began to arrive in ye olde cul-de-sac, to deliver ye olde Amazon goods.  Amazon needs to run the phone, cable companies and post offices.

Wrap, wrap, wrap.

Stand in line at the post office longer than you waited for the iPhone 4s, whilst juggling big boxes.

Steereth your old truck–like it’s a PT7 Cruiser–to Ye Olde Whole Food and purchaseth tenderloin and fixin’s for Christmas dinner.

Later stuck in traffic with groceries melting, visions of holiday decorations dance in your head:  use Christmas runners instead of throws, over backs of chairs.  Stuff blue juniper branches into mint julep cups to line your mantel.  Cream roses and red berries in a glass vase for foyer.  Find white Hypericum berries.  Bring in holly from the back yard  to mix with magnolia leaves from front yard for pot on top of armoire.  Get poinsettias and topiaries from Trader Joe’s for breakfast room.  Buy curly willow…did you clean up after the dog?  Did you RSVP to that thingy?  Didn’t you have a dental appointment this week?…Buy mistletoe…  

Runneth in floral boutique.  As you enter, the diminutive bespectacled owner, Weldon, pops open a can of La Croix.  “Ahh, first beer of the day,” he sighs.

There are folks drinking sparkling water like beer, people,  just to get through the retail season.

You ask him for holiday centerpiece ideas for the dining room table.

“Come on back and take a look at this,” he says, winding his way to the back.  We set off a motion-activated Rudolph on a nearby table top.  “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!” begins blaring in the tiny bungalow, and the deer begins doing the twist.

I’m gonna shoot that damn reindeer,” Weldon stops and says simply, then glances back at you.   He can see you have that hectic, haunted, hunted, daunted, reindeer in the headlights look on your face, that you can’t possibly stay ahead, or on top of it all.  December started without you.

Let’s just breathe in and out, shall we?” he asks.  “That’s my holiday mantra.”

“And perfect for Holiday ADHD,” you agree.

He shows you greenery and berries stuffed into an old French olive jar, and votives on a linen table runner.  Simple.  Done. 

On the way to your next errand, a car dressed up like a reindeer nearly runs you off the road.  Pull over.  Breathe in.  Breathe out. 

Insert “Celebrate Me Home” cd to help your blood pressure plummet.

Stop being lead reindeer and just let. yourself. go. sit. down.  Sit and  sip a hot peppermint mocha frapp, take time out to enjoy the holiday spirit.  

Whoever decided to install a Starbucks inside  Target should be knighted.



A freelance writer who revels in the 1970's...and today. Thoughts on being a baby baby boomer and empty nester. Welcome to the Saturday evening porch.
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21 Responses to Got that ‘reindeer in the headlights’ look?

  1. winsomebella says:

    Ho ho ho. Loved the way you took me with you on this holiday trek. Now for my peppermint……..

  2. ryoko861 says:

    I’m stressed just reading that. NO WAY! I don’t do that shit anymore. I didn’t even get 1/8 of my decorations out this year. Just some candles. And maybe the Christmas tablecloth.

    • I hear ya, Ryoko! This year is different for me because we’ll be HOME for most of the holidays and not traveling hither and yon visiting relatives, so am excited about doing some decorating. Once my daughter flies in next week, I’m simply doing lunch, mani/pedis and shopping in my spare $#?!$ time.

  3. Our tree is not up yet…not a decoration in sight. Anna has wrapped most of my presents for me (the ones I had so far, at least), however. The Christmas spirit apparently hasn’t found me yet…hope it comes soon…sigh…


  4. Oh my friend, your sense of humor cracks me up! And that’s better than REALLY cracking up. 😉 Tis the season to be stressed, so please…sit down…breathe….and enjoy more of those hot peppermint mocha frapp thingies. I’ll be sitting here with you in spirit sipping my hot peppermint tea.

  5. Hi Mama! Oooh, that tea sounds good. I’m going to drink some before I go to bed so I can sleep and not have visions of our tree keeling over (it has once already). I fixed the vacuum anyway.

  6. Leah says:

    What a great post! Love it! By the way, I went into Trader Joe’s the other day to buy a few things and left with nearly all their Christmas treats. Not good. I mean, the treats were great. Not that I needed them. And yes, bless the person who put Starbucks in Target.

  7. Coming East says:

    You’ve captured the spirit of the season perfectly! Lol

  8. Ahhh! The frenzy. I just love your idea of “stop being the lead reindeer.” Okay. I’m in!

    I should be addressing Christmas cards right now, but instead, I’m taking a peek around the WordPress world. Well, I should have been addressing Christmas cards weeks ago! But I’m much happier reading your posts. Hope you have a wonderful holiday!

    • Awww, Melissa, you are so sweet! I hope you had a grand holiday with your fam! I told my kids all about your post re: letterboxing. I so wish it had been around when they were young. I tempted them with a trip to the Varsity drive-in to get hot dogs and search for one!

  9. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas – it sounds like your house was beautifully trimmed. I wish I could conjure such lovely decorating ideas when stuck in traffic. I’m going to aim for that next holiday season. Thanks for the inspiration!

    • AMIABLE!!! How I’ve missed you! Thrilled to hear from you. How’s DC? Oh, and ummm, you caught me posting a re-post from last Christmas…:) You left a lovely comment then, too. Now am back in town and can’t wait to catch up with your blog–love it!

      • I’ve missed you, too, Reeling! I’ve been a Blogging Slacker since the move and starting a new job. I’m loving DC! I hope to get caught up soon, reading and blogging. A belated Happy New Year to you!!!


  10. Hi Reeling, I awarded you the 7×7 Link award! 🙂

  11. Happy New Year, my friend! Hope your Christmas was spectacular. Come on over to my blog and join me in my “mutual admiration society!” I gave you the Reader Appreciation Award! 🙂

  12. Now that the holidays are over, I hope you are catching your breathe. That centerpiece idea sounds wonderful.

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